Somewhere far away, there is this little boy who’s curious, adventurous, and into the most wild things. I call him my inner child and I’m trying to reach him every day.
In a memory long ago, I’m not sure what age, I wrote a promotion for something I was writing and pinned it onto my wall. My Mom scolded me and looking back I understand it was just because of the holes in the wall. Though as an adult I know that she missed the most important part, that this was her child’s means of crying out for attention. A form of excitement toward something he had made. Although there were four holes in the wall, there needed to be time to give him that appreciation he was looking for. The acknowledgment that he was worthwhile and what he was doing was good enough. That’s all really. Crazy the lessons we learn at such a young age!
Here is me letting myself have that wall in a literal-ish form. That cracked shady background is actually how I see my wall at home, especially in the memory. The holes are still there. Funny how it’s four pins too, that was not intentional.
Every morning I look out my basement window through my “plant corner”. A small windowsill area where everything is very “zen”. We have a baby golden pothos and a seriously vine-like heartleaf philodendron. Plus some little statues, seeds of sorts, a bowl. Random things I’ve collected that when I see them I feel relaxed. I’m a very visual person in this way, I don’t know if this makes sense to everyone. Anyways, on the small side wall overlooking the corner around my eye level, I have these fortune cookie papers pinned to the wall and this thing my Mary Ann gave to me. The larger, background paper isn’t pinned there though.
On paper, the fictional piece of this, I’m trying to put all of the years of my life so far to a peaceful rest. Just to finally let them sleep and not constantly be on my mind all the time. It’s so easy for me to live in the past but I realize it’s not a good way to live or treat yourself. I miss the days of being free. I assure you they will be back soon. But not yet, not yet. Gladiator.